Sunday, August 27, 2006

My stuff and my car finally arrived. I cannot even describe the happiness the surged through me when my car got here – 3 weeks without a car was interesting to say the least.

Tonight, I’m in Boston, where it's overcast and raining. After a month of forget-me-not blue skies without a cloud in sight, I have to say I've become a bit spoiled. The dreary weather had more of an effect on me now that I'm a California Girl than when I was a Philly Girl. I start work tomorrow and my first week of training is in Boston. I’m excited to start work. I will definitely miss being a lazy ass. But since I got to be a lazy ass for more than 4 months, I feel like I’m lazy-assed out.

It’ll be GREAT to get a paycheck. I’ve been looking at the bottom of my bank account for a while now. I’m also jazzed about getting to meet some of the people with whom I’ll be working.

I’m a little nervous, too. I spent WAY too much time picking out my outfits for the week. I had flashbacks to the first weeks of junior high when what you wore during those critical first weeks determined your pecking order in school. “Business casual” leaves a lot for interpretation. And I had a shoe crisis (quel surprise.) Because of my broken foot, I haven’t worn any shoes other than tennis shoes, sandals, or flip flops for over a year. When I tried to put my foot in some of my shoes last night, my foot screeched with uncomfortable unhappiness. I didn’t have a basic black shoe that would work. I had to make a last minute run to DSW to remedy the situation. I hadn’t bought shoes all summer so it was WONDERFUL to get back in the game.

But beyond the usual dress concerns, I’m nervous about the actual work. It didn’t hit me until I started doing some reading for work. The usual work insecurities came flooding back. I’m not sure I have the skills. I feel like the made a hiring mistake. Sure, Wharton has allowed me to develop skills – but will I be able to mobilize those skills to be an asset at work? Will I be articulate enough? Will I be smart enough? Will I get along with my co-workers? Will I wear the right shoes? (:))

Anxiety abounds right now. I want to be impressive – but not obnoxious. Knowledgeable, yet seen as excited to learn. Poised but energetic. Despite the current feeling of anxiety and inadequacy, I’m VERY excited to finally start the next chapter. Let’s see how it goes.

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